


You Found Me

by nirvanacal



Series: Bullet [2]
Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: 5sos cake - Freeform, Cake 5sos - Freeform, Depressed Luke, Depressing, Depression, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Razors, Sad, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, cake hoodings, cut, depressed, razor blades, this is sad, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2014-12-28
Packaged: 2018-03-03 05:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2839622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirvanacal/pseuds/nirvanacal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I love you...but I'm moving..."</p><p>ever since luke tried committing suicide, calum has been at luke's house everyday, checking up on him. but, it'll all change when calum needs to leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Found Me

**Author's Note:**

> so this is the second part to the series "Bullet" I hope you enjoy ugh

You Found Me

* * *

 

It’s been a week since Luke got out of hospital, and a week and two days since he tried to commit suicide. Ever since he was free, Calum had been coming over to Luke’s house mainly every day. Calum couldn’t stand a moment without seeing Luke.

However, during this time, Luke became frustrated. He wanted to have alone time, and spend a day in his room in peace and listen to Bring Me The Horizon for his own therapy; but unfortunately for him, Calum kept knocking on his door.

Luke is extremely grateful that he has someone that cares like Calum does. He is also very thankful that Calum hasn’t left _yet_ but he does want his time alone.

His mum has been extra weary for his son, too. However she doesn’t like the company he’s getting from this “Calum” kid. She would rather a girl coming over and staying in Luke’s room all day or taking him out. She’s afraid Luke will develop feelings for Calum, and she does _not_ want that.

Though unfortunately for her, Luke had already developed those feelings for Calum; and, Calum has developed those feelings towards Luke, also. The only thing standing in their way is Calum’s dad (and of course Luke’s mum.)

Luke’s brothers are also sticking around to secretly watch Luke. They think he doesn’t know this, but Luke does.

“Luke!” Calum called. He ran up the stairs to Luke’s room and opened the door. He noticed Luke on his laptop, giggling away to some video he was watching.

Calum loved to see Luke smiling and laughing; he loved to see him happy, although what he doesn’t know, that it isn’t genuine – Luke still gets bullied, though only a little bit now, since the hospital contacted the school and told them what had happened with Luke, and the school ended up telling the students. Some now have backed off after finding out Luke took it so seriously, but some still sticked around to pressure Luke into killing himself again.

“Hey, Cal.” Luke fake smiles, shutting his laptop off and sliding it away from him, patting the bed so that Calum would sit there. Luke liked calling Calum “Cal”.

“You seem happy. What were you watching?” Calum asked, sitting down next to Luke, purposely brushing his arm and leg against Luke’s, so that he could test whether or not he felt those sparks Alex seemed to feel whenever he brushed against Jack in the FanFictions Calum reads; and he did.

“I was just watching some vines,” Luke said, “Christian DelGrosso and Alex Ramos to be precise.”

Calum chucked, only knowing who Alex Ramos was, but telling Luke that they were his favourite viners.  

Luke looked deeply into Calum eyes, realising for the first time that he really felt like he was in love with someone. He wanted to kiss Calum so badly, but he knew Cal would back away because he’s 1) straight. 2) Doesn’t like him. 3) Both.

Little did Luke know, Calum also wanted this. So with that, Calum leaned in, hoping his lips would touch Luke’s, but unfortunately, Liz opened the door on them.

Calum backed away, falling off Luke’s bed and landing on the hard – yet soft, floor. Luckily, Luke’s room had carpet instead of wooded flooring, or else it would’ve hurt even more.

“What’s this?” Liz shouted, angered by what she just saw, Luke’s eyes showed fear and sadness, but he tried to cover those emotions up.

“Mum, he just leaned in for a hug.” Luke tried explaining by lying. If you were in this situation, and had a mum that didn’t accept homosexual people, you’d try your best to cover it up, too.

“Calum, get out!” Liz yelled, aiming her finger towards Calum, then to the door. Calum quickly scrambled to his feet and ran outside. He went home to his dad and sunk down into the couch. Damn.

Liz then looked over at Luke sternly and said: “If I find out that you are lying, you’ll be in deep goddamn trouble, young man.”

And then, she walked off.

Luke felt the tear well up, finally on the verge of falling down his cheeks, when Calum sent a text saying that it was his fault, and that he was sorry.

Calum needed to tell Luke soon, but he was just afraid to do it. However, if he waits for too long, Luke’s reaction will be worse.

+

“How are you doing, Luke?” Dr. Spencer asked.

“Bad.”

“Why is that?”

“My mum is a big fat bitch and I hate her.”

“Awe, don’t say that. She loves you.”

“No she doesn’t.”

“She does. You must be too blind to see it then. Or perhaps it’s her way of showing affection towards you – maybe she doesn’t even like to show the affection.”

“No, she hates me because I’m gay, Dr. Spencer.”

“Oh.”

“But, she doesn’t know I am, though.”

“Well...there isn’t anything I can really do, Luke, sadly,” Dr. Spencer says, frowning, “However, maybe you can convince her to believe homosexuals aren’t bad?”

“Maybe.”

+

When Luke got home, he immediately ran off to his bedroom and cried. It wasn’t a loud cry, nor was it lasting long – it was just a short little sob to let his emotions out.

Also like Calum who was now lying on the floor staring up at the ceiling. He started crying a few minutes before, until he didn’t have the strength to cry any longer.

He hated what his dad has chosen. If he didn’t make this choice, Calum would have been happy.

Now, he is not.

Nothing like depression, but his world is taken over by sadness now, after hearing the news from his father.

Calum wanted to spend all of his time with Luke now, and see him any every day to keep his sadness at bay. Whenever he thinks about it, he has to resist the urge to burst out into tears.

Luke has no idea on what’s to come his way, and it definitely wouldn’t be good when he does end up finding out soon enough.

Calum tried thinking about if anyone at the school that _did_ like Luke, even a little bit. He really wants Luke to have other friends, since Calum can’t be by Luke’s side 24/7 – however he would like to try too.

Luke also needs to learn how to take all of the shit the students give to him when Calum isn’t there, and for Luke to block out everyone.

But, Calum doesn’t realise how hard that actually is.

+

Luke heard a knock from the front door, him instantly assuming it’s Calum – and it was.

“Hey.” Luke greets, letting Calum in. Today, Calum seemed like he just got out of bed. He had bags under his eyes and when he smiled, it was a weak, half smile. His hair was all messy too, and he looked like he hadn’t been eating.

“Hi.” Calum tried his hardest to talk, but his voice ended up cracking.

“Why are you so down today? What’s happening?” Luke asks, curious to why Calum looked like complete shit.

“There is um, actually something I really need to tell you...like, right now.” Calum said, urgently.

Luke furrowed his eyebrows, confused to what Calum needs to say.

They were both standing really close to each other, Calum knowing what to do.

Cal leaned in, his lips meeting Luke’s. They both had been waiting for that moment for a while now, and both savoured the kiss.

After they pulled apart, Luke was smiling like crazy. This, was a genuine smile, however it was soon to be gone when Luke hears this tragic news.

“Luke, I love you,” Calum said, “But I’m moving.”

And then, he left.

+

Later that day, Luke hadn’t left his room all day. He physically did not have the strength too.

His mum also saw everything.

The kiss.

The confession.

And the news.

And she was glad Calum was leaving, since she did not accept that type of disgusting behaviour not in her house, or anywhere.

+

Luke promised himself he was getting better. He kept contact with Calum and told him he was getting better. He wasn’t starving himself, he wasn’t self-torturing himself.

But he wasn’t.

He lied.

He was getting worse, and he honestly doesn’t know how much longer he can take.

His mum has beaten up, so has his dad. Luke thought his brothers would at least say something or do something to stop them, but they just sat back and either watched or couldn’t handle it.

“I TOLD YOU IF YOU LIED TO ME, YOU’D BE IN BIG FUCKING TROUBLE!” Liz screamed in Luke’s face, hitting him across the face. Luke put his hand to his cheek, feeling it burn.

Liz then pushed Luke into the wall behind him, and grabbing his jaw and smacking the back of Luke’s head into the wall, hard.

Luke cried out in pain, the tears already streaming down his face. He doesn’t want this, but he knew he deserved it.

“YOU’RE A _FAG_! _FAGGOTS_ AREN’T ALLOWED IN THIS HOUSE! SO CHANGE BACK!”

Luke knew he couldn’t change, either.

+

Days at school got worse too. They were all teasing Luke, since Calum (or, a.k.a: body/security guard.) wasn’t around anymore. He had left to Perth, and Luke wasn’t sure if he’d ever see him again.

And that pained him.

Because Luke loves Calum.

+

“Go kill yourself again, idiot.”

Luke looks over at this guy and frowns.

“EW! He looked at me!” he guy shouts, pointing to Luke and gagging.

Everyone around them laughed and purposely bumping into Luke or pushing him into the lockers or to the ground.

Luke then ran off into the bathrooms and cried.

Cried until he felt as if he’d faint.

Cried until he felt the itch on his wrist.

And with that, he got up, and left.

+

* **TRIGGER WARNING***

Luke dragged the blade down his wrist, watching as the blood came curling out of the freshly new cuts. He sighed in relief, loving the pain he was giving himself, then again, screeching out in agony as he made the cuts scatter around his stomach and thighs.

He deserved it.

He continued to do this, until he felt dizzy. Until he ended up fainting.

+

It had been three weeks since Calum left, and Luke wasn’t good _at all._

He was already planning his suicide note for his family, and of course, Calum.

Luke was also mad at Calum too, for kissing him, confessing that he loved him, and then finally telling him that he was moving.

That was **_not_** okay.

Calum, also, wasn’t feeling great either. He wanted to be with Luke, he wanted to be able to ask him to be his boyfriend and kiss Luke whenever (obviously not at Luke’s house.)

He knew that was a dick move, kissing Luke, admitting that he loved him and then leaving, but he just couldn’t bring himself to doing it sooner.

If only.

However, little did both teenage boys know, Cal’s father was saving up the money to head back home.

+

**Calum** _Luke, my dad is saving up the money to come home, so i will see you really, really soon! (Hopefully.) but i know i’ll see you like...before you know it. just hold on, okay? Hold on just for a little longer. I love you xoxo – cal_

+

It now had been three months.

Calum sent that text to Luke three months ago, today.

Today was the 24th of September. Luke wasn’t sure if Cal would be back before the new years, but he hopes he will.

Luke had always wanted to share at kiss on New Years Eve. He’s never done that though, since no one ever wanted to, with him.

He wants to do that with Calum.

+

“ _Luke_!” Calum shouts through the _phone_ , “ _I miss you so, so much_!”

“I do too, Cal.” Luke replied. He didn’t have the power to use full sentences.

“ _How are you holding up? Is my baby okay_?”

“I’m not your baby.” Luke said, sadly, yet with a hint of aggression in his voice. He was mad – he didn’t even know why.

“ _You will be soon, though._ ”

“What?” Luke sat up right. what was calum saying? is he coming home really soon? Like, tomorrow, or something?

“ _I mean, I hope you will be soon. I don’t know when I’ll be home. But, I know we’re only two hundred dollars off for that plane ride home, and my dad gets paid twenty five every two hours. How shit, right_?”

“Oh...yeah I guess.”

“ _Welp! I gotta go. Bye baby! Seeya soon.”_

“Bye.”

+

_Sorry for making your life a living hell. I know you all hate me – so does the school. I wish I wasn’t born, honestly, and I know you wish that too. There are a few things I would like to say about the each of you... **mum** , I’m sorry for being an f thing...gay person. I know you may think its wrong, but if six random people (one girl x girl, one boy x boy and one girl x boy) and put them behind the x-ray, and covered their faces so you wouldn’t know what gender they were, you’d notice the human skeleton, right? you wouldn’t be able to pick out which one is which. We’re all human, and you should accept who people love. it isn’t our choice. **dad** , you haven’t really been there for me that much, like you never really were there to watch me grow up from being a toddler, to child, then to teenager, and now you’ll also miss out on watching me grow into a man. I may or may not miss you. **jack** , you laugh at me quite a lot...that’s not nice. Do you know what the hell I go through? It’s like you don’t give a shit about me, and you probably don’t, but I’d like to think you do. however, **I** will always miss you, even if you don’t miss me. and **ben** , you suck too, because you laugh at Jack’s jokes about **me**. again, that’s not nice. Thanks for being those brothers that love their little baby sibling. I guess I will never experience that. also, thanks for watching me get beaten up by mum and dad. That was brave of you. i hate you all. Now that i think about it – i probably won’t miss you. FUCK YOU ALL!!!! -Luke (someone you will never have to put up with again.)_

Luke cried as he wrote that letter to his family.

Now, it’s time to write the one about Calum.

+

Calum’s dad finally saved up enough money to take that plane ride home.

Calum was so excited. He sent a text to Luke, waiting for his reply.

**Calum**

_Guess what?? IM COMING HOME!!!!! Im boarding the plane in twenty minutes, so i’ll see you really soon. xoxo_

When Luke didn’t reply for over half an hour, Calum started feeling that nervous feeling in his stomach – like the time he walked in the bathroom on Luke and...

He could think about it. Luke wasn’t going to commit suicide again. Luke loves Calum, and he promised he was getting better, and that he’d hold up for him.

He’s probably sleeping.

+

When Calum’s plane landed, he tried to drag his dad off the plane as quickly as possible. He was hanging to see Luke.

They weaved and dodged all of the people, until they checked out of the airport and ran to a cab.

Calum felt himself drift off to sleep as he looked out the window and blasted Bring Me The Horizon, because he knew that was Luke’s all time favourite band.

+

When there was no answer at Luke’s home when he knocked on the door, he once again, felt that nervous tingle in his stomach.

He twisted the doorknob, and surprisingly, it was unlocked and swinged open.

He stepped inside, calling out Liz’s name, and Luke’s name.

Instead of Liz or Luke coming down, Jack came downstairs to Calum’s voice.

Cal was in utter shock, when he saw Jack’s face. his eyes were red and puffy, and his cheeks were tear stained.

“Calum, Luke...Luke tried to commit suicide again,” Jack barely spoke above whisper, “He locked the bathroom door when I came upstairs to get him. I called the family and we tried everything to stop him or get him out. He didn’t, and I’m so scared Cal. He wrote us a note, and he said how I was a shit brother. And i was. There’s a note for you too. I think Luke is still trying to escape, but I’m not sure if anyone has stopped him. if anyone, you. go get him, please!”

With that, Calum ran upstairs to Luke’s room. His room had the bathroom built in, so it would’ve been easy for him being quite. That needs to go.

Cal read over the letter as quickly as he could, trying to see through the tears. Instead of that, he ran over to the bathroom door and pushed Luke’s family out the way.

“Luke! It’s Calum. I’m home. Please. Stop for me! For your brothers and parents. Jack told me what happened, and he regrets how he acted towards you. He’s really scared, and I doubt the others wouldn’t feel the same, so please stop!”

“C-Calum...,” Luke weakly replied, “Read the n-note first.”

Calum sighed, wiping away the tears so that it was easier to see.

_Calum, by the time you read this – if you ever do, I’ll be long gone. I’m sorry for not holding up like you told me too, but I just couldn’t handle the hate all the bullies were sending me. I bet they still are. They sent hate all over my Facebook timeline, over my twitter feed and commenting on my instagram pics, they got my number and sent it to me through there too. I hate myself so much and everyone (but you) that I had to end it. I love you. lost and insecure, you found me, you found me, lying on the floor, surrounded, surrounded, why’d you have to wait? where were you? where were you? just a little late, you found me, you found me... -Luke xoxo_

Calum heard Luke’s phone go off, and when he checked it; Luke was right. They were still sending hate to him.

He ran back over to the bathroom and tried knocking down the door.

“Stand back!”

He finally got it down, falling onto the floor.

Luke looked lost, and insecure, just by seeing how he was laying, all curled up in a ball with the pill bottle tipped over and the pills scattered along the floor.

He found Luke, indeed, lying on the floor.

He found him.

He was surrounded.

Everyone came into the bathroom, curling Luke. He was surrounded.

Why did Calum say _three months ago_ that he was coming soon? Why’d he have to wait?

Where was he?

Where was he when Luke needed him?

Calum was just a little late. There was a plane going earlier, but he slept in. It’s Calum’s fault they didn’t catch that early plane. He could’ve stopped Luke.

But now, he found him...

He found him lying on the floor, _almost lifeless_.

**Author's Note:**

> I just realised, that every part might be where luke tries to commit suicide idk but there was another part after this I was gonna do but I forgot the tittle dammit
> 
> \-----luke is //not// dead-----
> 
> -deanyyy


End file.
